The Broken Ones [ENG]

Bevakar stenhårt!

Nu ska jag gå och gömma mig i ett hörn, NI ÄR SÅ FINA ALLIHOPA TACK SÅ OTROLIGT MYCKET ♥

Läste senaste kapitlet först idag (förlåt jag är sämst) och herregud Johanna ärligt. Du är så himla begåvad och bra och jag älskar att läsa vad du skriver.

Mycket mycket bra!!

Begåvad? Ptja, ska du säga
Tackar!

Kapitel 6 är påbörjat, men eftersom jag börjat skolan hinner jag inte skriva så mycket. Jag jobbar på det!

Du skriver jättebra! Bevakar självklart

Anyone want a new chapter?

Kommer lägga upp ett nu, oavsett om ni vill eller inte. ^^
(Ska fixa ett register i första inlägget också, sedan när jag har tid..)

Detta är det första jag skrivit helt från början, utan något grundmaterial från det jag skrev förra året. Mycket spännande, alltså


Chapter 6; To Love or Not to Love

Draco Malfoy knew that he’d made a terrible choice. It was completely irrational, almost self-destructive, of him.
He had the perfect chance to get away. He carried the keys in his pocket, and still didn’t return to Luna Lovegood’s apartment. He had an exceptional possibility to avoid Astoria for just a little longer, and still didn’t use it. He’d never been the sharpest knife in the drawer, and his own stupidity when it came to taking choices in life – well, it never ceased to surprise him.

But she loved him. She was the only one who’d ever told him those magical words. And he loved her. Astoria was stunningly beautiful. Her body had the shape of a super model, tall and slim. She had flawless skin without scars or imperfections, golden hair with perfect curls. The boys wanted to kiss her and the girls wanted to be her, and it had always been that way. Draco remembered very clearly how the other boys in his dorm had talked about her, how they all had dreamed about being her boyfriend, how none of them got that lucky.
Except Draco. He had never been more proud than the day they bumped into each other at the Leaky Cauldron, and ended up making out in a toilet booth. They were a couple since that day, and he once again had something others didn’t, something worth bragging about. Not as interesting as the Dark Mark, perhaps, but much more enjoyable.
Or so he’d thought.

He still remembered the first time. It had been a Friday night. They were both tired after work, the Thai food they’d ordered was ingested and the daily small talk about work done. They’d played a game of Exploding Snap, but none of them felt the need to play another. Astoria had started telling him about some incident at her work, but he’d been too tired to really listen. Which she noticed.
It had started out with just ugly words, and Draco had tried to protest. The protests were a terrible mistake. She’d hit him repeatedly, over and over again, and he didn’t know what to do. He was quite strong, but she was fast and tactical. He had his first experience with the wardrobe that night.

Draco had never told anyone about it before he’d told Ginny. The shame wasn’t as bad as the guilt, and the feeling that maybe it was he who did it all wrong. Astoria said it was his fault, and he believed her. No one could know the truth about his relationship, because no one would believe him. She still said the three words he depended so much on every now and then. He felt obligated to stay.

“There you are”. She opened the door before he’d even knocked. “I missed you yesterday.” She leaned forward for a kiss. “Come inside, you little piece of shit.”
The first blow went to his ribcage, and he took a deep breath to brace himself for the inevitable.

~

“Hey. Ginny.” A familiar face with blue eyes and a small colony of freckles had appeared in her two-way mirror.
“Hello, George. How are you doing? Business going well?” She sat at the kitchen table once again, mindlessly scraping at a dent her cup of coffee had made.
“I’m fine, business is going great, but I’m not calling for small talk. What just happened? Why did Harry send an owl telling us he’s not coming to Sunday Roast? He’s never missed a single one!” George sounded almost hysterical by confusion. “Something serious have happened, and I know it.”
“George, it’s complicated.”
“Are you pregnant?”
“What?” She accidentally tipped her coffee cup over with chock. “Oh, god, no. I’m not pregnant.”
“Do you have a terminal illness? Are you dying? Is Harry dying?” He was talking at an incredible speed, almost spitting out the words.
“None of us are sick or dying, okay? Stay calm.”
“Then what has happened?”
She had to say it out loud.
She wanted to be a child again. She wanted to run straight out the house and into the forest, run until her lungs hurt and she couldn’t breathe, collapse against a tree and cry. She wanted to scream, scream as high as she could when the trees were her only audience. She wanted to wait in the woods until someone came to get her, telling her that they missed her, that she needed to come back. She wanted someone to reassure her that everything would be fine. She wanted to believe that someone.

But she lived in central London and had to take the tube to the nearest forest. She was too old to scream and cry when life took an unwanted turn. And she’d gotten herself into this mess.
“Ginny? Are you still there?” George’s voice made her snap back into reality.
“We broke up.” She tried to keep her voice steady, but failed. “I don’t know where he is. He didn’t tell me where he was going.”
“Merlin’s beard.” The hysteria in her older brother’s voice had been transformed to pure shock, and he seemed to struggle with the words. “I… I never thought. Who did the breaking up? Shall I set out to kill someone?”
“No, George, don’t. It was me.” She hadn’t fully realised it before she said it out loud, and the consequence was inevitable. Ginny Weasley was a woman who very seldom cried, but now she was incapable of stopping it. She didn’t even hear George telling her he was coming over immediately.

~

Draco felt awfully uncertain if the choice he was making was a good one, or just another number in his long list of mistakes.
But he unlocked the door to Luna’s apartment that night, using the keys Ginny had given him. He used the microwave spell for a ready-made meal of pasta with meatballs in tomato sauce, which was surprisingly tasty. He brushed his teeth with a brand-new toothbrush he found in the bathroom cabinet. Then he went to bed, with an aching pain is in his ribcage, but unafraid of the night. He recognized a feeling he hadn’t felt for a long, long time. Safety.

~

Breaking off an engagement wasn’t too difficult. No papers to sign, nothing more than an agreement and taking off the rings. Harry forced her to keep his as well.
“They were expensive. You can get quite a lot of money if you sell them. And I have more money than you anyways”, had been his argument. It was true, but still felt like an insult. Not that Harry lacked the right of insulting her.

The consequences of breaking off an engagement were however worse. Harry would always be a celebrity in the Wizarding World – they’d accepted that. They had learned to live with it. Even the paparazzi’s got tired eventually. But every time a bigger happening occurred, Ginny found the thought of emigrating very tempting.
And apparently, The Boy Who Lived ad his Quidditch Player Girlfriend breaking up counted as a bigger happening. Ginny had already hexed three of her co-workers in the news section of The Daily Prophet, but she and Harry were on the first page still. Wherever she went, people whispered behind her back. Ron was furious with her, children and old people stared at her.
She detested being famous.

Breaking up with Harry wasn’t something spontaneous. She knew in her heart it was the right choice.
But every glare she felt, every whisper she overheard, every journalist who called her, made her regret it just a little more.

~

Draco was positioned in Lunas sofa when Ginny opened the door. He was reading a book, looking ever so focused on the story. It was kind of adorable, his grey eyes almost staring at the pages, his whole expression signalizing interest and care. He handled the pages carefully, like he respected them. How come she never had seen this side of him during their Hogwarts years?
He never showed it then, a sour voice in her head reminded her. ¨
“Hi.” He reluctantly lifted his eyes from the book when hearing her voice, but smiled as he met her eyes.
“Hi. I saw you in the newspaper.”
“Please don’t remind me. I would like not to feel famous for a moment.” She sat down next to him, sighing deeply.
“Fine by me.”
“You do realise we can’t go on like this forever, right? It’s only been a week so far, but Luna will be moving back in a month.”
“A month is practically an eternity. And you don’t owe me this. I know you always protest when I say I don’t deserve this, but I don’t. Not really.” It really was amazing how much more talkative he’d become in only a week. She almost felt proud. It was a strange feeling.
“I still don’t know why I offered you this apartment.”
“I still don’t know why I accepted it.”
“We’re even, then.” She laughed, for the first time in a week. “I guess we can just confirm that what we’re doing is really weird.”
“Yeah.” He laughed, too. “I guess we can.”
They cooked dinner together that night, and ate it while discussing everything from political matters to kittens. Both needed to get their mind off all the problems for a moment.
Ginny had seen the bottles Draco hid in the most peculiar places, but knew too little about alcohol abstinence to force him to stop. She lacked the energy to deal with it.
Draco had read all the weeks’ newspaper articles about Ginny. He now knew every fact about her former relationship with Harry the articles told him, true or false. He felt like an intruder in her life, not thankful enough for the safety she offered him. He still visited Astoria every other night, and returned to the apartment beaten up and anxious. He did not know how to deal with it.
But none of them wanted to think about it, so the discussion about kittens continued.

~

After only a week, Draco had forgotten all about insomnia. So when he found it hard to fall asleep that night, it almost took him by surprise.
His thoughts were too loud again, ear-piercing, deafening, cacophonous. They’d been more or less silent throughout the week – he didn’t live in constant fear nor on the streets, but could still ingest the amounts of alcohol his body craved. He hid the bottles underneath the bed, in trashcans and behind furniture, hoping Ginny wouldn’t notice.
He was relatively safe. And he hadn’t had to give up anything. It would’ve been a dream.
But the monsters in his head still haunted him, taunting him about things he had no desire to think about. Like Ginny. Like Astoria. Like Ginny and Astoria, and the difference between them.

He’d fallen in love with Ginny the moment he saw her on that train. He just never thought he’d see her again. And when he did see her again, he’d been so sure she hated him. And then she’d saved his life. And now they ate dinner together.
She was so beautiful. Imperfect, not your ideal beauty queen. More than that. Her hair was the colour of sunsets, crimson and ginger shades whirled together. Her eyes captured him like nothing else, her intelligence and kindness astonished him. Her beauty grew on him every time he looked at her, and her personality grew on him for every word she said. She was magical, made his blood vibrate and his skin tingle.
And she was way too good for him. He didn’t deserve her, had never deserved her.

But Astoria was his destiny. She was the key to him somewhat keeping his social status. She was respected by his father, respected by his friends. She made Draco look better – people are always more likely to respect you if they respect your company. He had to be loyal to her no matter what she did, because he was nothing without her.

He didn’t want to feel, didn’t want to exist, and didn’t want to have to think about any of this. It was too much to handle and too much to take. Too hard to figure out and impossible to answer. Draco Malfoy had never had problems with love before, because it had been something almost distant to him. Loving people were never worth it. People tend to let you down, and if they don’t, you let them down.
But this. This was something else. Something he couldn’t manage. Because he did not deserve to love, did not deserve to be loved, and yet he dreamed about it so intensely.
He felt the familiar feelings of panic closing in on him. His heartbeat was speeding up, he felt sweaty, sick, out of breath. Would he throw up? Would he faint? No, he was still conscious, still physically fine, but it didn’t feel that way. Merlin. Why did this always come to destroy him? What kind of monsters attacked like this? He felt so pathetic, not knowing how to fight them. Why could no one explain them to him?
He needed something to stop it. Something sharp.

It was disgusting and it hurt, but it defeated the monsters and deafened the thoughts. For a while.
______________________________________________

Woop!
Jag vet inte hur ofta jag kommer publicera - ska bolla med skola och fritidsintressen samtidigt som jag försöker att inte kollapsa mentalt, ska hinna sova, ska hinna träna, vill hinna läsa och kolla tv-serier, ska hinna plugga. Wohooo
Men jag lovar att jag skriver. ♥

Jag lägger ner en hel del tid på att skriva det här. Så berätta hemskt gärna för mig, om ni gillar något särskilt - något citat, någon händelse, något stycke. Vad ni får för känslor av fanfictionen, vad som är bra vs vad som är sämre. Det gör verkligen min dag att få läsa era fina kommentarer ♥

Love!

Omg nej baby Draco :'( Blir jätteledsen för även fast jag ej tycker om honom särskilt mycket ... är det jättesynd om honom?
Får ont i hjärtat av att läsa om hur Astoria behandlar honom ...

Jag hade aldrig tänkt på Draco och Ginny tillsammans - annat än med hat typ - men sedan kom du med din fanfiction och nu shippar jag dem verkligen jättemycket. Jag älskade verkligen hur du beskrev vad Draco tycker om Ginny, det var jättefint!!

Hela kapitlet var jättefint och superbra och fantastiskt. Verkligen.

Tack så sjukt mycket för kommentarerna

Men hallå, är det några som läser? x) Ni gör mig osäker hela tiden..

Hallåååå
Läsare xD