The Broken Ones [ENG]

oh my gOD VAD GULLIGT < 333
Allas reaktioner >>>>>> allt och Connor och Harry var så söta och jag gråter jag äskar Ginny och Draco???

Att de var på parresa tillsammans var a+ decision och allting var bara fantastiskt!!

Jag har skrivit en Hinny-scen i kapitlet jag håller på med nu och om jag får säga det själv så är den rätt fantastisk :')
Tack så mycket ♥


Hahahhaha tror han blir så lik Draco på något omedvetet sätt, kan inte låta bli, mitt Drarry-jag kickar in helt enkelt
Såklart Harry fick sin Slytherinare ;*

♥ ♥


tack sötis!!

Fantastiskt. Bara F A N T A S T I S K T. ♥ ♥ ♥

...
och nu har jag skrivit klart fanfictionen

det är ett VÄLDIGT fint sista kapitel hehe. Är någon sugen? ♥

Ja!!Fast nej! Vill ju inte att det ska ta slut, men vill läsa nästa kapitel!

Jaaaag!
Men då tar det slut ;_;

Haha, I'm afraid we don't have a choice


Chapter 23; Whole


“You came”, was Harry’s first words as Ginny neared him from behind. He sat with his legs crossed, showing off his lanky but tanned legs in a pair of thoroughly worn jeans shorts.
“Yes. I got your note. I can read, you know.” She ignored the fact that she would have sand everywhere afterwards and sat down next to him, hugging her legs.
“I know. I just wasn’t sure if you’d come.”
“Hey, we dated for three years. Of course I’d come.” She gave him a friendly smile, realizing just now that his eyes looked happier than they had done in years. “Whenever you need me.”
“I figured we might have a few things to talk about”, he said, cheeks blushing from either embarrassment or sunburn - it was hard to tell after three days in sunny Greece.
“Yeah. We might.”
“If I ask you a thing, can you be completely honest about it?”
“Brutal honesty is an excellent talent of mine. Feel free.”
“What was your reaction when you first heard of Connor and me?” He was drawing with his fingers in the sand and erasing it, over and over again. Drawing and erasing, like tibetian monks create and dismantle their sand mandalas.
“I was shocked”, Ginny admitted. “Stunned, at first. Then… I don’t know. It took some time getting used to the thought of you being…”
“Gay?”
“Yeah, or well, into other boys, I guess. But I’ve accustomed. If he makes you happy, I’m happy. Really.” She drew a heart in the sand, then another, and another. It was actually kind of relaxing.
“He does.”
“What?”
“Make me happy”, said Harry. “It’s been terribly confusing, and complicated, but… I love him. And he loves me.”
“That’s not complicated.”
“Maybe not. Maybe it’s the most complicated thing of all. Love tends to be.”
“That’s an understatement.” Ginny laughed. “Who knew we would both find our own Slytherins one day?”
“Sometimes life surprises you.”
“I have to ask you a question as well, though. It’s a silly one, but I can’t get it out of my head.”
“Please don’t tell me you’re interested in details about my sex life, because everyone seems to be these days.”
“I’m fine, but thank you for the kind offering, I appreciate it.”
“Shut your mouth and ask your question.” He pretended to shove her into the sand, laughter seeping through his faked anger.
“What we had - was that for real? Because I don’t think I’ll ever stop wondering.” She continued drawing hearts in the sand, avoiding eye contact to make it easier.
“Yes.” Silence. “It was.”
“Did you love me? Like you love him?”
“I loved you. Just as much. But I love him in present tense, and you in past.”
“Thank you.” Silence again, now from Ginny. “Can I ask you another, even sillier, question?”
“Shoot.”
“Do I have good taste in men?” There was a second of absolute silence before they both burst into uncontrollable, hysterical chuckling.
“Well”, Harry said, struggling to keep a somewhat serious tone, “I can’t say I’ve never thought of Draco like that...”

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Spring came surprisingly early to London that year, and no one was happier about it than Draco. Bob had once mentioned something to him about how seasons can affect your mood and even cause depression in some cases, but Draco had thought of it as a whole lot of crap. It was only as spring finally arrived that he realised Bob had been right.
“You’re awfully quiet today.” Draco hadn’t realised just how lost in thought he’d been until Ginny’s voice brought him back to reality. It was Saturday, they were both free from Quidditch practice and studies, and they’d chosen to celebrate the sudden arrival of spring with a walk in Hyde Park.
“Sorry. Just tired.” He squeezed her hand, letting her know he was fine.
“You’re working too hard on your studies, you know. Relax. You’re doing fine.”
“I just really want to do my best.”
“Remember that I love you.” She leaned in, giving him a small peck on the lips. Draco frowned.
“If you’re going to fake-kiss me like that, I can’t promise anything.”
“Oh, get over yourself.” Ginny just rolled her eyes. “Coffee?”
“Coffee.”

They bought their drinks from a grumpy-looking muggle in skinny jeans and a lime green apron and found an unoccupied bench, which was easier said than done on a saturday in London.
“The day we really talked for the first time”, said Ginny, sipping her latte, “we sat on this bench, didn’t we?”
“Frankly, I’m not sure.” Draco blushed. “But yeah. This might’ve been it. You bought me coffee that day as well.”
“Yeah, well, I earn more money than you.”
“If you don’t shut up I’ll punch you.”
“Go on.” She laughed, and even though it was a cheesy cliché, it was a melody to his ears. Nobody had a better laugh than Ginny.
They drank their coffees in silence, but it was a pleasant, effortless one. The kind when you just don’t have the need to talk. The kind when you know each other well enough not to need it.
“Why did you save me that night?” Ginny’s head rested upon Draco’s shoulder, and he buried his nose in her glistening hair, warm from the sun. “I’ve asked you before, but… I never really got an answer.”
“That’s because I’m not sure I have one to offer.”
“Try”, she demanded. “I’m curious.”
“Because I wanted to. That enough?” Two teenage girls with hair in pastel colours walked by, holding hands. Draco and Ginny watched with a smile as the couple shared a tender kiss.
“Not really.”
“Fair enough. Maybe I just had a feeling that I needed to. That if I did it, it would lead to something good. Do you believe in fate?”
“Only when it comes to us.” Draco grinned.
“Ugh. Cliché, dragon-boy.”
“Dragon-boy?”
“It’s your new nickname.”
“If I didn’t love you so much you’d be dead already, Weasleygirl”, Draco declared and pressed his coffee-tasting lips against hers, almost forcefully.
“You have to stop doing that”, said Ginny, panting, afterwards. “Takes my breath away.”
“Can I ask you a thing?”
“Doesn’t feel like I have much of a choice, you’ll just kiss me again”, she said, faking grumpiness. Draco snickered.
“Weasleygirl - would you ever want to get married to me?”


xxxxxxxxxxx

-1 year later-

It was late at night, and Draco was running the streets of London. Up and down, turning a corner, down that street, ignoring the odd glances from drunk strangers outside bars, smoking their foul-tasting cigarettes that always made him cough. He ran, and ran, and ran, ignoring the fact that he was wearing black boots and not proper running shoes, a suit jacket instead of a synthetic t-shirt. He ran in a desperate try to silence the thoughts in his brain, trying to make the screaming stop, sort his mind out, but they refused to quieten and he was stuck with them. He stopped at a corner to catch his breath and realised just then how much he was sweating. Disgusting. He would have to take a shower when he got home. If he got home, that was. If he was brave enough to return. Returning home would mean facing her, which he was stupidly afraid to do.
Silly, silly, silly, the voices shouted. You’re silly, Draco. No sane person reacts like this. You’re crazy, Draco. You’re a psycho, you’re nuts. You’re a freak, freak, freak. He started running again.
He probably was crazy. He should’ve been happy about this. They were married - he needed only to glance at his left hand to remind himself of that. They were young, but not abnormally so. Neither of them were the broody type, but they’d agreed on that yes, perhaps one day. It had sounded so easy when they said it, but most of all it’d felt like far away.
Still. He should’ve been elated, but felt only despair.

He was thankful she hadn’t told him face to face. He would’ve lost it then, and she would’ve hexed him right there on the spot. No, she’d been really subtle about it, as if she’d known it’d be hard for him. Just one of those plastic sticks resting on the kitchen counter, a note pinned to it, telling him she loved him.
Draco had still freaked out, and that’s why he was running now, running, running, running. Running away. From adultery, from responsibility, from feelings, from being a human and from being alive.
He’d run out of energy to run, and he crouched against a wall to stabilize his breathing.
A father. Draco had never wished to be a father, not after his own childhood. His father must’ve been a good person once. What if having a child would make Draco evil as well?
Could he be a father? Did he even know how? Did he have the capability to? He knew nothing about kids or what they needed. They needed to eat and sleep and have their nappies changed. That was about all the knowledge he had. He’d held Ginny’s brothers kids for short periods of time, had even babysat Teddy once, but at the end of the day there had always been someone to return them to.
Could he love a child? No. Maybe, if he tried hard enough? He wasn’t sure. Merlin - this was all… bovine. Moronic.

All he knew when it came to this was that he had an indelible love for Ginny and everything that was her, every little thing she did and wanted to do.
Would it be enough? It would have to be, even though it probably wasn’t. Either way, he turned around, starting on his long walk back home without caring about what the choice to return home would mean.

She was asleep when he got home, her auburn hair spread over the pillow in an adorable mess. She was breathing slowly but surely, her chest rising and sinking. She looked just like she always did, her beauty and presence an indescribably valuable fixed point in the ever changing world, and yet it felt like he was seeing her for the first time. Still, he always felt that way.
Draco undressed as quietly as he could, down to nothing but boxers, and snuck into the bed.
He folded his arms around her muscular quidditch shoulders, pressed his nose against her neck only to breathe in the flowery scent of her. Nothing could make him feel more peaceful than that smell.

He could come up with a million things that was wrong with this gesture - it was too cheesy, too immature, too classical, too intimate - but he took her right hand in both of his and placed over her still immaculately flat stomach.

xxxxxxxxxxxx
-2 months later-

Draco could feel the chilly sensation of their bathroom clinker against his face, and he knew before it even started exactly what was going on. Damn it, he whispered to himself. Not now. Not when it’s been so long.
But it was far too late to restrain it. His heart was speeding already, beating so hard he was sure it would make his chest explode. Breathing was getting harder, and he couldn’t breathe couldn’t breathe couldn’t breathe and then the tears were forcing their way down blushed cheeks and he was crying, silent, ragged, ugly sobs. He was going to die. He was officially going to die like this. The black and white pattern of the clinker would be the last thing he ever saw, and even that was blurry from tears. He was shaking - why was he shaking? It didn’t matter, because he was going to die now, this was it. He curled himself into fetus position, trying to relax his limbs, but neither heart nor lungs nor brain would cooperate and he was stuck trying not to choke on his hasty breath. He closed his eyes, attempting to ease the vertigo and stop the walls from spinning. It worked terribly.
Why was this happening again? He’d been so sure it’d stopped for good. Draco was still crying, even though breathing felt marginally easier now. The thoughts of self-harm was slowly creeping onto him, teasing him and taunting him, promising him that the sensation of sharp metal against soft skin would calm him, would release him from this dreadful and nightmarish state.
Why did it always have to be like this? He struggled to take control of his breathing. Breathe in, breathe out. It was supposed to be easy.
Because this is who you are, Draco, the voices whispered. This is who you are. An anomaly. A freak. This is all you will ever deserve.
There were razor blades somewhere in this bathroom, there had got to be, for sure. Which bathroom doesn’t have any razors?

And then, just like that, his heartbeat began to normalize and he threw himself over the toilet sink, dry-heaving with nausea. What had he done to deserve this now? He raised himself up on vibrating legs, stumbling towards the bathroom cupboard, opening it with equally vibrating hands. There was a razor somewhere, he knew it, and it didn’t take him long to find it. Just a few twists, and the blades would be loose - he’d clumsily enough forgot his wand in the kitchen. He still knew how to do this, didn’t he?
He was standing like an idiot with the razor in his right hand when the bathroom door flew open. That’s when the crying started anew.

She had to force the razor out of his hand, but eventually, he let it go, collapsing onto the floor once again. She didn’t utter a single word. She just lay down next to him, grabbed his hand, placing it on top of her heart. Then she placed her own over his heart, and the two of them rested there, sensing each other's heartbeats, Draco crying, neither of them speaking.
“I’m sorry”, Draco whispered. “I’m so sorry for being like this. You shouldn’t need to deal with this.”
“I signed up for it, didn’t I?” She rolled her eyes and tucked one of his untamed bangs behind his ear. “In sickness and in health, and all that.”
“Doubt they were thinking of panic syndrome when they came up with that”, he managed to verbalize, though almost inaudible.
“Why not? Mental illnesses are illnesses like any other.”
“I suppose. I just hate it, you know?” Draco asked. Ginny nodded, then stood up and rummaged in the closet for a few seconds before throwing him a white paper box with a doctor’s note pinned to it. He caught it, thanking his quidditch reflexes.
“Anxiety medication.”
“Lucky me. This will put me to sleep in minutes.”
“Sounds amazing. I could use the company.” She yawned.
“Shit. I forgot. You were sleeping. Did I wake you?” He could feel his eyes widening in sheer terror of having done something wrong. “Merlin - I wasn’t supposed to, you really shouldn’t have to…”
“Be quiet, take your medication, and join me in bed - I did not mean it that way - before I hex your mouth off.”

The medication made him drowsy almost instantly, but he didn’t mind. Their unmade bed was comfy - yes, almost still warm, and resting his head upon a fluffy pillow was a welcome feeling. The panic had not quite left his body, not fully released him from its grip, and he was sweating so badly he’d had to pull off his T-shirt to avoid it getting soaked. But he was able to breathe, which he appreciated.
Ginny’s head was lying on top of his warm chest. Even a year or two ago, Draco would’ve resented that closeness and and intimacy in moments like this, but now it was since long the only thing that without fault made him feel better. It was the very definition of safety, and perhaps, of love.
“I love you”, he whispered, a reminder both to himself and to her. “So much.”
“You’re a dork. You know that, right?”
“My apologizes.”
“Don’t.” She reached for his hand, kissing it. “I love you, too.”
“How are you? I still feel awful about waking you. I didn’t mean to, I really didn’t. You needed that rest, and I’m so very sorry for interrupting it.” He talked fast, like he often did when anxious.
“Hey - stop it”, protested Ginny. “I may feel like I have a terrible hangover I can do close to nothing about and I’m unceasingly unsure whether I want to sleep for a day, empty the contents of my stomach or just cry because life’s unfair - but if you for a second believe that I won’t put all that aside in a heartbeat to be there for you, you’re wrong. I’m handling this. It’s fine.”
“I love you for doing this.”
“Whatever. It wasn’t like you had much of a choice. My body, my rules.”
“I still love you for it.”
“Thank you.” She yawned, closing her eyes again.
“And I’m sorry for being such a broken mess of a person”, he mumbled, mostly to himself. Ginny didn’t answer, and he wondered if she’d fallen asleep again when she spoke-
“We’re all broken, Draco. But if you glue two broken pieces together, there’s always a chance they might fit.”

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
5 months later

The enchanted watch on his wrist showed five past three in the morning, and every limb of his body screamed for sleep; yet he had never felt any less sleepy than this.
If he looked out the window, he could see the skeletons of naked trees swaying back and forth in the frosty, early november night. Any other night it would’ve been a depressing view, but tonight, nothing could touch him.
Nothing could touch them tonight.
Not him. Not Ginny. And not the child in his arms.

Draco felt like he hadn’t properly breathed in hours, and was finally able to do so. It sounded quite likely he hadn’t properly breathed - it’d been pretty intense. (And bloody, but he’d handled it.)
Ginny was sleeping now, enjoying some well needed rest, and so was the child in his arms.
A tuft of ginger hair was visible under the white little hat, but the child had inherited his ice blue eyes. The sharp nose was was his, the mouth was Ginny’s.
He had examined the child’s features like this for more than an hour, looking for traits they shared, searching for proof this little person with tiny, tiny fists really belonged to them. How on earth had they possibly deserved something so blissfully beautiful?

Draco had never felt so many things at the same time, but for once in his life, not being able to sort out his feelings didn’t give him anxiety. There was no anxiety at all. There was only consciousness and peace and a profound, deeply rooted love for the bundle of blankets in his arms, a love already too huge to be put into words.
It was as if the stars had finally aligned, and suddenly, everything was right and nothing could ever be wrong anymore. Nothing could touch them, because he would never allow it to.
There was a soft, barely audible, cry from the baby in his arms, but he silenced it simply by taking the child’s fist between his thumb and index finger. He was there, and he would always be there.
“I will never allow anything to hurt you”, he whispered in her ear. “Never.” And nothing had ever been truer than those words in that moment.
He would protect this child with his life, for as long as he lived.

Draco had thought he’d known magic, and he’d thought he’d known love, but he realised now that until this moment, he hadn’t.

Xxxxxxxxxxxx
6 months later

Ginny took a deep breath, filling her lungs with the mildly plastic smell of new muggle trains as the vehicle rustled to life and started transporting them forward on the tracks. They were finally on their way. They’d made it. Or at least they would have, in a couple of hours.
“If I knew taking this trip would be such hard work before even getting on the train, I would’ve refused to.” Draco kept his voice down, although it didn’t seem to be needed. Lou was sleeping soundly in her child safety seat - the kind that muggles use for cars - at their feet, and the faint hum of small-talk and the movements from the train was not affecting her the slightest.
“It means a lot to Luna.” Ginny smiled and took his hand in hers. “I really hope we didn’t forget anything.”
“I’m pretty sure I can come up with at least three things”, he grumbled. “And I wrote a list.”
“Wow.” She laughed. “Now that’s impressive. Quill and paper?”
“Quill and paper.”
“Now I’m really impressed.”
“Rightfully so.” He squeezed her hand and focused his gaze on their daughter. The sleeves of his navy sweater had been rolled up, and she could see the faded scars where she knew they were positioned. He cried about them sometimes, telling her he thought they were ugly and he hated them, telling her exactly how ashamed he was of them, asking her how she could possibly still love him. “They don’t make you weak,” she always told him. “They simply mean you were stronger than whatever tried to hurt you. Everyone has scars, you just wear them on the outside.” He usually stopped crying after that.

It was hard for her sometimes to remember the person he’d been. It seemed far away, blurry and hard to recall. She couldn’t see that man when she looked at him anymore. Once she’d seen a broken soul, shards of a person that bore so much potential but had no one to help him reclaim it. She’d seen misery, but with the undoubtable potential of becoming something beautiful.
Now she saw a whole different person, a beautiful person, the only man in her life and the person she loved second to most in this world.
Lou started whining, and before Ginny was there to comfort her, Draco was. He unbuckled her from the straps, and lifted her so that she could rest against his chest.
“It’s okay, darling”, she could hear him whisper. “Everything’s okay.” And sure enough, the whimpers had already stopped.
“George surely knew what he was talking about when he told me you had it in you”, she said, carefully stroking her daughter’s ginger curls. “She loves you.”
“I think she loves you more. It’s not much of a competition anyway - you have the food.”
“Yeah, but that’s just anatomy. Why are we competing about this?”
“Nothing like a good competition to decide who’s the better parent?” Draco proposed, and they both laughed.
“I love you, you know. Even if I forget to tell you that sometimes. I really, really, love you”, she whispered.
“I love you more.” He leaned towards her, giving her the slightest of kisses. “And I’ll kiss you better tonight. When she’s sleeping.”
“And we’re not on a train.”
“Yes. You’ll have to do until then.” He grinned, and it was the most adorable of grins, like it always had been and always would be.
“That’s a bummer. “ Ginny kissed Lou on the forehead and took her tiny right hand in hers. “At least I have this one. Who still loves you more.”

Draco looked like he was about to protest, but they were interrupted by the train coming to an abrupt halt and a monotone voice in the speakers informing them that there was something wrong with the train, and they would have to stand still for a while before it was fixed.
Muggle trains.
She’d never been very fond of them.
______________________________________________________________


So… this is it.
This story starts on a train, and since it was on a train I got this idea, I wanted it to end there, too. I’m actually rather found of trains, unlike Ginny.

I only wrote a few chapters of this when I first started it. It wasn’t long before I ran out of ideas; I was deep in my eating disorder at the time and I stopped doing, well, everything. Including writing.
But this story stayed, and when I got better, I couldn’t get Draco or Ginny out of my head. Eventually, I had to continue writing this. It turned out being something entirely different from what I had first pictured, but I’m rather pleased with the result. :’)
It’s the first fanfiction I’ve ever written that hasn’t been all lovey-dovey and happy. Instead of writing a perfect world with perfect characters, I wanted something else. It’s been a great experience, and I’m so thankful you’ve been a part of it.

If you’re dealing with problems similar to Draco’s, or if you’ve been through something like Ginny, seek help. Always seek help. You shouldn’t have to live like that, and you don’t have to. Life can get better, and if there was something I wanted to tell with this fanfiction, it was that.

This is scary. I hate finishing things like this. I’m never sure what to do after. I’m not sure I want to write another fanfiction, but if I do… you’ll know. For now, I think it’s time for more creative writing and more of my own projects.
Lots of love to you all.
_______________________________________________________



♥ ♥ ♥
Det finns så många fina saker och citat i det här kapitlet.
"Maybe it's the most complicated thing of all" och "If you glue two broken pieces together, there's always the chance they might fit" är två av mina favoriter. Vad gillade ni? ♥

Såg ni Drarry-hinten??? SÅG NI DEN???? Jag kunde inte låta bli. HAHAHAH. Det finns en inre Drarry-shippare inom mig, det gör det. Can't help it. Jag har läst Carry On. Det går inte att läsa den och inte shippa Drarry.

Ni kanske märkte att det går väldigt lång tid innan jag sätter ett kön på deras barn i slutet. Jag funderade på om jag skulle kunna skriva hela slutet utan att köna barnet, men den sista scenen hade blivit för svår.
Och fanfictionen utspelar sig trots allt i trollkarlssamhället, som ligger lite efter, och runt 2003-2004. It is what it is.
♥

Det var nog allt jag hade att säga. Ni är bäst. Bäst.

“Do I have good taste in men?” There was a second of absolute silence before they both burst into uncontrollable, hysterical chuckling.
“Well”, Harry said, struggling to keep a somewhat serious tone, “I can’t say I’ve never thought of Draco like that...”
det var så roligt jag dör
overall så var scenen med Ginny och Harry verkligen jättefin, jag tror verkligen att den behövdes så att de kunde få ett ~"riktigt avslut"~ eller något, och jag ville se att de var vänner osv. och det blev jättebra!!

SKRIKER jag älskar att de gifter sig!!! Och att de får ett barn!!! Lou är allmänt ett superfint namn så jag blev glad hahah.

Någonting jag har tyckt om i verkligen hela den här är Dracos scener, whether det är panikattacker eller bara att han mår dåligt allmänt - vill ej egentligen säga att jag "tycker om" dem för att jag blir ju inte glad av dem, men du skriver dem så fantastiskt. Du gestaltar alla viktiga detaljer i scenerna jättebra.
Jag kan väl inte relatera till panikattackerna egentligen så jag kan ju inte kommentera hur verklighetstrogna de är men jag tycker, personligen, att de känns väldigt verklighetstrogna. Det är inte sugarcoated och de är verkligen a+


Aaah alltså jag är så ledsen för att den är slut???? : (( Det här är legit den enda fanfictionen (?) jag läser på mugglis och du är min favoritförfattare på mugglis och jag blir alltid så himla glad när jag ser att du har uppdaterat.
Men det var ett helt fantastiskt slut, så fint med så fina Drinny-scener och allt var bara allmänt fantastiskt.
Du är bäst. Kram ♥

Så grymt bra! Är så ledsen att den är slut
Verkligen superbra från början till slut, älskade den ♥

Jag har seriöst rysningar, och känner att jag inte riktigt kan formulera mina tankar kring den här ff:en just nu. Bara wow.

Återkommer imorgon med en vettigare och mer utvecklad kommentar! (Och jag såg Drarry-hinten, love it, thank you ♥)